Argghhh

Sorry that it has taken a while to write again here,time passes by so fast these days.Before I know it weeks have gone by,anyway quickie update,and we all like a quickie dont we?
My landlord was refused certification to make this house a domestic property again,joy,I was 4 days late with the rent and they threatened me with changing the locks,which by the way is totally illegal.However I have paid it,although Im waiting to gain another property at the moment so fingers crossed please.
Our repairs here havent been done so its cold with no top window,no heaters and the toilet is still leaking,yey she says sarcastically.
My new man and I are doing fine at the moment,I stay optimistic,not because of him,no way hes lovely,its me,I tend to naff things up somehow,so fingers crossed yet again.We dont argue,hes very affectionate and loving and I so need that right now,I feel very stressed and down lately,which is no real surprise with all thats going on and waiting to find out if we have got this house,its driving me mad I need a break.Ive had three panic attacks this week,all when I settle in bed.Its a nightmare,Ive lost my appetite again too but Im still eating,those of you here may remember this happened to me when I was caring for my Dad so Im being careful.
I would go to the doctor but all she wants to give me is Diazipan,and some of you may remember that I dont like that drug at all,in fact I took it in 1998 and I was just a zombie really,stuck in a routine with no feelings,insomnia and crying alot,it was very wrong for me,and its best I manage this myself,eventually I would have to come off of them,or vallium,if I had that which was another suggested to me,but mostly I wouldnt be alert enough to pay bills etc,let alone move house etc.No no theyre not for me,I also dont like to have alot of drugs in the house because although it was a long time ago,I was tempted to take too many,I was very depressed and abused alot then,things are different now,but I play safe.Im sure some of you understand.
Anyway I think Ive brought the mood down enough lol,I hope you all have a good bank holiday weekend,catch me on facebook if you get time cya xxxx