Sunday, 11 April 2010

Hi all

Hi everyone,I hope youre all ok.I keep thinking its friday today,Easter has really thrown me off course,( that doesnt take alot Zoe !!).
Well,I wanted to sit here and do some freefall writing,so get a coffee and a few biscuits if you decide to continue reading,this may take a while.
First subject on my agenda today is....
Exs,yes exs,I know I know I go on about this subject incessantly,but its bloody getting to me.
As I have said before I have two,one thinks Im his best friend,the other thinks he either wants me back or Im a spot on the ass of the world,( The latter I prefer personally), I dont do 'going back',mainly because I believe if it was bad enough to end it in the first place,then its not worth doing all that over again.
Now it is only fair to give both sides,I never said Im easy to live with,I annoy myself sometimes,Im not the best looking person so if he has an affair,fine if its worth saving Ill save it,if you get me.In fact maybe Im too easy going,but when I took my vows it meant something.Say no more.
However,in my life,there has been challenges I didnt expect,problems I wasnt prepared for,and replacements who were either younger and smellier,or alcoholic and older.
I have even been replaced by a computer !! Yes thats right,to be precise,a game called championship manager,oh and of course,alphabetising a c.d. collection that encompasses every album ever made.Im not kidding you.That was an interesting 10 months I can tell you,sat alone watching telly,sat alone eating dinner,sat alone talking to myself and sat alone in bed until I fall asleep of boredom.
That was husband number two.Husband number one had the affairs,the ones that he says never happened.One was a girl of 15 going on 16,spotty and smelling like billingsgate fish market,(Im not being bitchy its true),the other was alot older than me and an alcoholic prostitute.
Now Im as easy going as the next looney,but my tolerance levels were seriously being tried here.Quite apart from the risk of getting some awful disease that could make my nose fall off in the queue at Tescos,it made me feel so ugly,I still have hang ups now.Really bad if the truth be known,I dont like looking in a mirror at myself,I hate trying on clothes because I feel im fat,I wont get dressed or undressed in front of anyone at all.
But that would have been ok if number 2 hadnt completely ignored me for six years,so again I think its because Im ugly,fat blah blah blah,you get the drift.
So when number 2 gets a bit too friendly,I only have to remember how I felt and I can then take issue,quite often shouting very loudly on the phone.Number 1,( thats the only time he could ever be called number 1 by the way),I couldnt care less about.What I mean by that is,I couldnt care less if his face fell off,or he got run over by a steam roller or if he developed a personality.I just wish hed do it Mars,for instance.
Ok subject number 2.....
people in Iceland,not the people who work there,as far as I know theyre ok,no no I mean the shoppers.I being one of them yes I know,but every bloody week someone either rams a trolley into my hip,which after a few months still hurts,or slams me with a basket full of tins.The bruises I have are terrible.No-one ever says 'excuse me' anymore.Has it gone out of fashion? One week a woman came up behind me with her trolley,she did in all fairness say excuse me,but at the same time as saying it,rammed me in the back and nearly threw me into my own trolley,when I looked at her she said sorry then walked off.What the hell?
Im not a small person you know,Im about 5ft 10" give or take and not waif like,Im polite,most of the time,SAY BLOODY EXCUSE ME AND I WILL MOVE,but give me two seconds at least !!
Subject number 3...
yes I know youre bored but I will be asking questions later....My toilet,yes my toilet.It wont flush and Im getting kinda fed up now,after three days worth of tissue and gubbings pumping the handle twenty times produces the tinyest dribble of water.Its not really right is it? Is it too much to ask to have a toilet that flushes? Instead of one that makes a loud whooshing noise,dribbles then whines for 10 minutes?...(sounds like my ex !!)
Some of you may have memories of my last blog and the shananigans with the exploding toilets.I was posh then I had two.Its not posh really you know,two to clean,two to bung up,two to go wrong.
Two to enter and find your husband hasnt flushed and neither has he lowered the seat.So in your bleary-eyed moment first thing,your bottom meets porcelain in a painful way.
Its not nice you know !!
Well I think thats put my world to rights,I mean,why have a dog and bark yourself? Indeed,nitey night all,or if youre in the USA,Morning me loves,toodle pip xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx 


mortonlake said...

i think some men need just leaving om that desert island.the one they use to test nuclear weapon fall out. may improve em going green n oozing ya think??youre a lovely lady,a good friend,so there. tc zoe,love mort xxxxxx

Jan said...

Oh Zoe I do hope that all made you feel better ,cos it made me laugh ,you have such a lovely way of putting things Jan xx